I received a call from Josh this morning. Josh
and I studied at the same university when we were in Toronto. Well, he
called and asked me about the proper term for the withdrawal method,
which is coitus interruptus. I said, you called me all the way from
Singapore just to ask me this? He said, well, it's one of the reasons
anyway. He told me that he was hanging out a friend's place with a few
gay guys and a coupla girls, and they got round to talking about how a
person becomes homosexual, the whole nature vs nurture debate thing,
which we've all prolly heard one too many times. Presmasticated stuff, as it
was and as it is. God knows why someone becomes gay or lesbian, or
bisexual or bi-curious. Anyway he told me that somehow he has lost the
ability to love, which caught me by surprise. After all, I was still
lying in bed and hardly bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I asked him what
he meant and he said that somehow, he realised that he has lost the
ability to keep a relationship going. The last time I spoke to him was
a coupla months back, when he finally decided to return to Singapore. I
left Toronto in 2000, and we've kinda lost touch until he found me
(again) on Friendster.
Anyway, the last time we spoke he told me he had a girfriend from
Guangzhou, and it seemed like things were going pretty well. He didn't
get into the details of the breakup, but I guess distance and geography
are factors. Then I asked him if he considered getting into a gay
relationship, and he said that he loves women too much to ever love a
man, which he claims was something I said to him many years back. Frankly I
don't remember. What I do remember was that there was a time when we
were both single, and we were hanging out with each other so much and
so happily that we considered, albeit very briefly, the possibility of
us being in a gay relationship. We were drunk on Wong Kar-Wai's Happy
Together back then, and we adored the characters Lai Yiu-Fai and Ho
Po-Wing. Not that we're keen about being gay --- we're not even
homosexual to begin with --- but we never had the chance because very
soon, both of us found a girlfriend each, and that was it.
I'm aware that there are men out there who live, cohabit with other men
not because they're gay, but because they find it a lot easier that
cohabitating with a woman. While they sleep together and engage in the
occasional sex play, what their male bodies truly crave for are women.
In fact, some of them don't even have sex, anal sex that is. So what
gives? Are these men gay? Bi-sexual? Labels can never undo the fact
that we are surrounded by vastly different types and shades of
preferences.
Strange, but I didn't begin
writing this post with the intention of writing about sexual
preferences. What I wanted to elucidate is the fact that whenever I get
a phone call from Josh, I always get a glimpse of the possibility of
having an absolutely yuppie lifestyle in Singapore. You know, livin' it
up like all the characters in a Carlsberg ad. Whenever I see the ads, I
fantasise and imagine for a few moments, the possibilities which are as
opposed to this life that I'm living in Ipoh right now. Please don't
get me wrong though, fantasising and imagining is not an indication
of my dissatisfaction with my present lifestyle. It's just that
sometimes it's nice to just wonder, "What if..."
Many people have asked me why is it that a person of my background would
want to stay behind in this backward city. Well somehow I always manage
to provide them with a satisfactory answer, but deep down, sometimes I
wonder why myself. But after all's been said, it's still not too late.
I have two choices come 2007. Singapore, or Beijing.
Meanwhile, the beat goes on.
